Of Cakes, Booze, and Pickled Plums
by Lady StarFlower
Summary: During a round of Truth or Dare, Erza is denied cake, Evergreen hugs Elfman, Gray is dressed like a model from Victoria's secret, and Wendy is forced to eat pickled plums. Oh, and Master Makarov might become a great-grand parent. Wildness abounds!


If one were to visit the beautiful town of Magnolia, situated in the lovely kingdom of Fiore, one must be sure to check out the famous guild of Fairy Tail. Today, when the rain is falling, and the kind face of Father Sun is obscured by the grey of clouds, one might sneak to the guild hall. And if one were to listen through the window, his ears will be delighted by the musical sounds of a string of colorful words.

"Well, f*** me. Actually, f*** this game and f*** the a****** who made this s*** up."

And if one were to listen, and dare I say, peek into the large glass windows into the hall, they might be treated to an unforgettable sight.

"BWA HAHA HA HA!" Natsu rolled on the ground, laughing and crying tears that only come from truly hilariously bizarre joy.

"I'm gonna kill you, Fire Butt." Gray was in a pink bra and pink panties, and was clearly not happy about it. He was also forced into a…how shall we say this nicely…provocative pose while a sniggering Gajeel took photo after photo on his lacricamera.

"That was the dare, Gray!" Erza thundered. "And as a participant of Truth or Dare, one must follow through no matter the consequences!"

How on earth she managed to say this to a man wearing female underclothes while posing like a French girl was beyond impressive.

"Gray-sama is still super sexy!" Juvia said defensively.

"You bet my butt he is." Laxus smirked, and Gray seethed under the pink frilly lace brasseries.

"Alright, next!" Mirajane folded her hands in her lap and looked expectantly at Wendy, who was trying not to be scarred for life by the sight in front of her. "U-um…" the girl cringed.

"Goodness, child! You shouldn't participate in such games!" Carla promptly dragged the relieved Dragonslayer away from the circle, only to be yanked unceremoniously back by Mirajane.

"But we're all playing, Carla." The white haired mage smiled sweetly, her voice suddenly ominous. "Don't you want to play?"

Carla had a glimpse into the future without the help of her physic powers and immediately sat down next to Wendy. "Good!" Mirajane beamed, and several people felt shudders run up and down their backs. "Wendy! You have to ask Evergreen."

"Dare." Evergreen said promptly. "Hug Elfman." Wendy replied. Everyone smiled, while inside they were like "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY KISS HIM?!"

Evergreen grudgingly sort of slung her arms around the big man while Elfman just humphed and pretended to be annoyed by what he considered the most manly moment ever in his life.

"Now , Evergreen, ask Wendy." Mirajane commanded. Evergreen thoughtfully pushed up her glasses. "I have the perfect truth…but…"

"DARE!" Wendy shrieked. Evergreen burst into a malevolent grin. "GOT YA! Eat these pickled plums." She shoved forward a generously-filled jar full of the fruit, and Wendy paled while her lips unconsciously puckered. "ALL of them?!"

"Oh, yes. But you must eat only one every day from now on, until the jar is empty. No eating it all at once. And in front of the whole guild, so that you will be accounted for." Evergreen settled back, smiling devilishly, while Wendy quivered and looked close to tears. Lucy patted her sympathetically on the back.

"That was too mean, Evergreen-san!" Juvia crossed her arms indignantly. Evergreen shrugged. "I go all the way."

"Next we have Juvia and Lucy!" Mirajane trilled. Lucy gulped as Juvia's eyes flashed with pleasure. "Lucy-san, you may go first."

Lucy tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Truth or dare?" "Truth." Juvia replied, not wanting a dare in which she had to be parted from her precious Gray-sama.

"Is it true that your underwear has a design of Gray on the front?" Lucy asked, more curiously incredulous than maliciously. Juvia tossed her head. "Jvuia does not. She will not go to such perverted measures even for her Gray-sama."

Somewhere, Gray breathed a sigh of relief.

"Lucy-san, truth or dare?" Juvia said sweetly. "Oh, truth." Lucy braced herself for a bombshell, and she got one.

"Have you and Natsu-san ever had a physical relationship?" "NO!" Lucy screeched. "YES!" Natsu said through a mouthful of steak. "DETAILS!" Mirajane gushed.

"Yeah, so the other day me and Lucy had se—"

"OH MY GOD YOU REALLY DID IT?" Levy stared wide-eyed at the tomato that was Lucy and looked back at Natsu. "Me and Lucy had set up a lemonade stand together one time." Natu finished the sentence, scratching his head. "What did you think we did?"

Everyone face palmed while Mirajane burst into a torrent of failed matchmaking tears.

"Your turn, Gajeel and Laxus." Lisanna took over her older sister's role while Erza patted the sobbing white haired girl on the back. Well, patted as in pounded, but Mirajane was the infamous She-Devil and therefore was quite capable of remaining conscious after such a love-tap.

Gajeel dared Laxus and Mirajane into the closet for Seven Minutes in Heaven, and Laxus obligingly dragged the weeping Mira in after him and closed the door. Everyone didn't quite know whether to catcall or make kissy noises. Though their relationship was more or less confirmed, Mirajane looked in no shape to be passionately kissing anyone, while Laxus seemed more bored than nervous.

Seven minutes later, when Alzack creaked open the door, Laxus and Mirajane were not standing aloofly by, nor were they having any sort of intercourse. He was just holding her hand while she sniffed and wiped away her last tears. Someone whispered that while it was cute, they still wanted a sex fest. Laxus overheard and blew him to high heaven.

"Truth or dare, Gajeel?" The Lightning Dragonslayer brushed the sparks from his fist. "Dare. I'm not a wuss." Gajeel said promptly.

"Kiss Levy." Laxus said it with a perfectly straight face. Levy choked on her own spit while Gajeel's face became like stone. Lucy gasped audibly while Mirajane instantly perked up.

"Well, Gajeel?" Laxus prompted. "I thought you said you weren't a wuss." Gajeel made an irritated sound, grabbed Levy by the waist, and kissed her so hard her face blossomed into a lovely shade of red. Then he let go, and sat down, munching on a piece of iron as if nothing had happened.

Mirajane fainted, Natsu whooped, and Lucy squealed. Levy flushed brighter than the sun and scurried out of the hall, clutching her bag to her chest. Gajeel was then kicked out to go after her by the female population, and soon everyone was speculating if Gajeel had the inkling of approaching a girl or was just an oblivious douchebag. Most of the guys were leaning towards the latter.

"Anyway, it's now Romeo versus Erza!" Romeo looked terrified to be against the Fairy Queen, while Erza was trying to figure out a dare or a truth that would appropriate for someone like Romeo. "Truth or Dare, Romeo?"

"T-truth." Romeo stuttered. Erza thought for a minute. "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Um." Romeo swallowed. "Well…." Somewhere on the other side of the room Wendy was also mentally cringing.

"YOU ACTUALLY….." Mirajane gasped, who had just regained consciousness. Carla was simmering furious now. "YOU TOUCHED WENDY?!"

"THERE WAS MISTLETOE! WE HAD TO DO IT!" Romeo yelped, backing away. "Please, Carla, calm down!" Wendy grabbed Carla and held her down like one would hold down an alligator. "It's okay!"

"Wow, they're adorable together." Lucy sighed. "WE'RE NOT TOGETHER!" Both kids wailed. "My son's first girlfriend." Macao sniffed, wiping his eyes while a disgruntled Wakaba supported him. Romeo groaned and Wendy began banging her head against the wall.

"You can ask me now, Romeo." Erza calmly slipped out her swords and began sharpening them, cutting short the budding life of an idea vaguely labeled "revenge" in Romeo's head. "Truth or Dare, Erza?" "Dare."

"Don't eat cake for a month." Romeo blurted out, fearful for his life. "And Wendy gets to eat it." Erza froze, her face like the muse of tragedy. "My cake…"

Other truths and dares went on. Happy was dared to hold his breath for five minutes by Elfman and became a blue unnatural to his kind, while in turn Elfman was coerced into confessing that he had once visited the most unmanly place in the kingdom; Forever 21.

Alzack was forced to confess that he did want a boy in the first place, but told Asuka in a heart-warming speech that he could never ask for anyone else. In revenge, Macao was dared to be on restriction from any X rated material for a month, much to his despair and his son's relief.

Carla was dared to kiss Happy, and she did, but only on the cheek. Happy however, did not mind, but in fact passed out from both deoxygenation and pure ecstasy. Pantherlily was also dared to attend the next fireworks show, and he agreed to do so with no little fear and trembling.

"Finally, it's Cana versus Mirajane!" Lisanna looked expectantly at the two.

"This is either gonna end in a stripping battle, mark my words." Carla huffed. "These two can be so temperamental."

"Truth or dare, Cana?" Mirajane folded her arms and smiled at the drinker. Cana looked a little tipsy, but she managed to slur out a phrase that sounded a little like, "Dare."

Here, Mirajane whispered something in Cana's ear, and the drunken girl started. "You want me to WHAT?" She laughed loudly, her eyes all glassy. "You shure put up a gooood dare, Mira-san. Okey-doked, I'll do it. Hic!" She stood up, all wobbly, and teetered to the bar counter.

"What is she…" Lucy suddenly screamed as Cana whipped out a card from her deck of Magic cards and threw it down. The card was purple and red, and it emitted a flash of fire-like light so bright it blinded Pantherlily for a week. "This is a Forbidden Card." Cana announced. "It won't let me near the booze for a month. Happy, Mira?"

"Very." Mirajane ignored the stares from her guildmates and crossed her arms. "I would choose a Truth."

"Hic!" Cana beamed, ready to decimate her opponent. "I found a pregnancy test in your room, Mira hon. Tell us ALL the details."

"Oh my God." Everyone's jaws dropped to the floor, and Master Makarov spat out all the beer he was chugging down. "I'm a great-grandfather?! LAXUS?! What the CRAP?!"

Laxus was coughing violently, and Freed plus Bickslow were taking turns pounding him on the back. "Could it be?" Evergreen wept. "Our own beloved leader a daddy-to-be? What sort of divine offspring could he father?!"

"Woman, I'm mortal." Laxus rasped after he had regained his breath back. "And I'm pretty sure it's a false alarm."

"Er…" Mira was blushing the color of her dress and then some. "Well…not exactly…." Laxus stared at her. "You mean…"

"I'M GONNA BE SUCH A MANLY UNCLE!" Elfman bellowed in ecstasy. Lisanna burst into tears and flung her arms around her sister, weeping as if her whole soul was being sucked from her. "Mira-nee!"

"THIS CALLS FOR A PARTY!" Natsu yelled in celebratory glee, setting off a dozen firecrackers and blowing a party horn he had produced out of nowhere. "BRING OUT THE CAKE AND THE BOOZE AND THE PICKLED PLUMS, CUZ WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE THE OBVIOUS DEMON-DRAGON HYBRID CHILD-TO-BE! WHOO HOOO!"

And as the whole guild erupted into chaos, one might quickly make their exit, because they have to consider attending a therapy session and visit an acoustic ear specialist. After all, Fairy Tail does that soothing effect on those who pass by or visit the guild hall.

DISCLAIMER: This fanfiction author is not responsible for any collateral damage whatsoever, and any detrimental effects are solely the fault of the Fairy Tail guild and its associates.


End file.
